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Issues That Just Want Attention

Posted on by Kelly Asbury

Its very easy to get down on ourselves, especially in the days of instant gratification, happiness & glamour seemingly everywhere & perfection both prized in its achievements & held in disdain for its potential lack of reality. Comparison taking your joy is never a good thing yet when one is questioning some aspect of life, it is often the go to use of energy in order for metric taking (am I supposed to have a tricked out garage by 50 since seemingly all my neighbors do?) but also as a means to keep us where we are because its safe & snug. Does it ever feel like other people got the adult human handbook & you missed that day in class? But, did you even want to go to that school, anyways?

I’ve been told for years that I could have the chops to be successful as a writer but I’ve allowed a plethora of things, some valid & some not, to impede & I share these with you because maybe there’s a life choice YOU’VE been waiting to jump but you can’t pinpoint the reason why there’s inaction.

As we journey together through the interwebs & words, I can make you one promise here & now that I will never, ever veer from, even on penalty of that magical elixir coffee going away: my stories may not all be winners but they will ALWAYS be REAL. They will be full of true events, goofiness because its both fun & powerfully connective & a ton of run on sentences because that’s how people talk so that’s how this girl writes.

I digress. A lot.

Now for the serious stuff:

This menopausal woman has ADHD (refer to the previous sentence), PTSD, anxiety, depression & a frequent questioning of whether what’s in my head should come out of my keyboard or mouth. There are three kids (send food, please, so much food), four dogs (the ultimate squishy soft distractions & the receptables for the affirmations & affection said children apparently have no current need of) & four birds (one day I will teach them to say “I used to be a human!”) in our family. If you add all that up, couple it with a dash of procrastination to keep it exciting & you have a project such as this that has been literally years in the making.

We’ll talk about those acronyms later as we’re just getting started. Don’t forget that real part for it is indeed just that.

So, for you, gentle reader waiting to make something desired happen, fear not. It WILL & it doesn’t have to hit the mark immediately or set the world ablaze with originality or send the stock market soaring. Though the last part would be nice, cause…well, you know.

And in case its been awhile since you’ve heard these words, if you’ve got nothing nice to say, well then move it along. I’m all for mindful & spirited conversation & since I hope for tolerance for how I see the world, I certainly need to give it in return. That said, its my fervent desire to have this be a nest with the 3 S’s…safe, secure & sacred. Potstirrers will be disposed of as quickly as I block someone I had a first date with who snapped his fingers at the waitstaff. Its that serious & Mama means business. And yes, we’re going to chat about what dating later in life is like cause holy crabcakes its equal parts insanity, hilarity & proof that age does not always dictate maturity. Oh.my.stars.

Common sense, logic & facts, sprinkled with vulnerability, a dash of emotion & so much honesty. That’s In the Middle Of.

Let’s dive in!

Reinvention…running, conforming or evolving?

Posted on by Kelly Asbury

At any given time, we are smarter than we once were, thinner, rounder, have less cash reserves, are more addled, maybe less concerned about how we’re perceived or just done with the status quo. “Is this all there is?” on that last bit…haunting yet inspiring, right?

Generally considered parts of life, these moments can be irksome, cause for celebration, humbling or rife with opportunities to progress into our next phase, should we choose to pay close enough attention.

Evolution, maturing, moving forward, shedding of one’s troubles…however you slice it, reinvention can be a highly rewarding occurrence. Potentially painful, sure but fulfilling & even exciting in ways that aren’t always fully visible in the moment. “What if?” can move from terror to delight, depending on your mindset.

Because I’m a classic, type A, if I’m doing this I’m going to crush it kind of overthinker, I like to float a few questions when I’m feeling the tides of change hitting my door…

Am I seeking redemption? Is there an experience in the rear view that continues to haunt me? Do I need to show others that I actually know what I’m doing, at least part of the time?

Looking to finally fit in with the so called cool crowd? There isn’t a person alive who doesn’t seek validation from someone they’ve deemed the bastion of the it factor.

Trying to flee unpleasant pieces of the past? Perhaps I didn’t know what to do or say in those moments but I sure as hell do now. Should the opportunity arise, I’ll be ready.

Or its simply time to be the person I’ve always been meant to be? This is the big one, because it indicates, in equal ways, that I may be holding back out of fear of what might happen or that my judgement has been a bit lacking with who or what I’ve allowed in & that has caused a pause in personal progression.

All of these can be true.

So…when we’ve decided to make a change, we’ve already gained ground, regardless of the reason. What isn’t working, isn’t working & its brave to believe that something could be better, different or just fresher than it was. “You mean the daily won’t always be this way?” Wow, just wow.

If you’re wanting to prove to yourself that you’ve still got that elusive it despite all evidence to the contrary, perhaps attempt #972 will be the one. Life is a numbers game, so roll that dice.

If you’re thinking that keeping up with the Joneses or their latest Instagram flaunt of a perfect, curated life will bring you joy, do it. While comparison can be a thief, a bit of competition can be just the motivation one needs to elevate their situation.

If haunted memories take up more time than they ought to, move on out & upward. Tell them to eff off & don’t look back. Remind yourself that you can do anything, because you can.

Or if you’ve always fancied yourself a poet, a gourmet cook, are afraid of karaoke but more afraid of not getting on that stage or you’re just finally ready to be an embracer of life…be.those.people.

Even the tiniest sliver of modification can bring about the most profound of results. Grab that gorgeous leather handbag you’ve been coveting, it will add a spring to your step & a smile to your soul. Always use the same ingredients in your favorite dish? Toss in something spicy & you just might have a revelation. Be your bold self & tell someone what they mean to you. Return to wearing your reliable watch. Take a class. Seek guidance. Realize you’re a lover of hugs & give them freely.

As far as we know we only get a single crack at this thing called life, so whatever are you waiting for?

A Wee Do Over

Posted on by Kelly Asbury

Well, well, well…said with the slow & deliberate drawl of someone who wants to add a dose of both drama & of self deprecation to the opening of what has taken SO long to get fingers to keyboard.

I’m back, you good people, you.

Fun factoid: after many failed attempts at returning to the writing that I love so much, its finally happened, literally a year to the day of my last post.

I was not aware of said date, so how’s about that for cosmic interference?

Initially, I started this blog to express myself, to connect with others & maybe, just maybe, toss something out there that someone would grab onto & say “me, too!”. I had high hopes of growing it to be something y’all might want to begin your morning with or end a long day by, full of relatability & humor & content applicable to whatever you deemed fit.

Like so many other potential endeavors, life got in the way, along with sneaky doses of self doubt, anger towards current events & a new job that has given me such a strong sense of acceptance & creativity that the urge to write was diminished enough for me to back burner this project.

Or so I thought.

Lately, I’ve found that my needs for conversation & artistic pursuits are greater than I believed so here we go again, a wee do over cause those aren’t only reserved for children still learning their way around dodge ball or Red Rover.

In the middle of…

…finding that while I know things, I don’t know ALL the things & if that’s not absolutely delightful, I can’t recognize what is.

…having the energy & desire to put myself out there, even when there’s uncertainty & the potential for folly, misunderstanding or disinterest.

…embracing the challenges of crafting engaging fare that keeps you coming back for more, despite an often scorching case of agonizing brain fog.

With the classic words of a sweet little train, I think I can, I think I can.

As a woman who has seen more than she lets on, I know I can, I know I can.

Perfect for you or Perfect for Everyone Else or Both?

Posted on by Kelly Asbury

Tis serendipitous, it was meant to be, you really nailed it there.

There’s someone out there for everyone.

A place for everything & everything in its place.

We have many ways to say the same thing: Perfect, but is it a state of mind, the end result to expectation or completely & utterly subjective?

Is it how something makes us feel?

When we see it, can we never in a thousand million years imagine anything better?

Or do we accept burnt toast & call it as close to perfect as we’ll get that day so over time the lessening of what we’ll take becomes our new definition of the P word?

In adhering to the promise I made earlier, I’m about to stay in the real zone & freely & wholeheartedly admit that when I finally decided to make this little endeavor a reality, I hadn’t given much thought to anything other than the words that would inhabit it. I’ve now spent the last few hours alternately throwing hands, pacing & cursing out the enormous amount of…esthetic options available & it is…redunkulous. Yes, I want it to all look pretty & polished & professional but like many things we do for the first time, its anyone’s guess if the landing will be stuck.

Save for skydiving, really hope that works out as it should each & every time.

So, I will now present these thoughts & musings to you, dear & hopefully sweet world & we’ll just see what happens when strange margins & pictures I can’t figure out how to change & so much randomness collides.

And I challenge you with this: who sets the standards, anyways? The “they” can try but I say let’s all do what brings us joy, full stop.

Aging, how do you take it?

Posted on by Kelly Asbury

There are many events & experiences in life that are delightful & cause for celebration. A coming together of families, cultures & traditions due to marriage. A new & intoxicatingly chunky baby. The smell of Krispy Kreme glazed sugar bombs as they’re coming off the line. The first whiff of what is undoubtedly a mind-blowing Cabernet. The sound of your kids laughing & especially if its over a joke you just told that they actually got & didn’t roll their eyes over.

Aging is a part of life & is often a thing to be dreaded, maligned & downright feared. The unknown is generally scary to us as a society. Will I have enough to retire on? How will my health or the health of my partner be? Can I stay in my home until the end? And for women in menopause, that’s a whole other ball of wax. Relevancy, ridiculously & ever iterating hormones, a body & face you don’t recognize in the mirror, oh my. I could go on & on with the myriad of issues that this population goes through. Lastly, we’ve all been witness to the stereotypes of seniors. Walking devices, senility, a lack of fashion, crankiness. These aren’t reserved for those who have qualified for AARP, so why do we perpetuate them? I know a few who look better in their 70s than some do in their 50s. And everyone is capable of screaming “Get off my lawn!” So there.

Because we are a people of products, potions & purchasing, the “anti-aging” merchandise out there is vast. And vastly infuriating. I’m all for whatever it is that you believe you need to do to look & feel your best. Botox? Go for it. Covering the greys? I’ll shop for hair color with you. The avalanche of items all designed to preserve, reserve or enhance is staggering. Gratitude for them is there, but much of this stuff is unrealistic, spendy as heck or just plain unnecessary. Its so easy to allow ourselves to think we need it all & that if we don’t take the time to improve our already gorgeous to the core selves that we aren’t doing it right.

And let’s think about the phrase & intention of “anti-aging” for a minute. Our bodies are designed to change as the years go by & how it happens is tied primarily to genetics. Healthy living, minimizing stress & having a good amount of fun can certainly help. As one who has always looked young, I dreamt of having hands that looked like my grandmother’s: experienced, nuanced, strong & mostly, USED. I have them now & while I sometimes have to remind myself that they belong to me, I got exactly what I wanted: a body that iterates naturally. You do you, I’ll do me.

With more people than ever before crossing the 5th, 6th & beyond decades, how’s about we celebrate the lines, creases, furrows, experience, wisdom, endurance, stories, grace, resilience, courage, strength, responsibility & all the other goodness that comes from being on this planet for a long while. Life isn’t only grand for those who can still touch their toes, know every tech platform or do the latest TikTok challenge. Lets not forget the people who raised them, the badasses that they are.

And because I just love to find the humor in all things, I’ll just throw this one out there for kicks: hair in places it wasn’t a decade ago or heck, even a day ago. Ladies, check your ears & if you don’t already possess tweezers, head to Walgreen’s, stat. And because practicality in no way means defeat, add a heating pad, ice pack, reading glasses, stretch bands, lumbar pillows & Listerine strips to that cart. The latter isn’t because of age but rather the wisdom that for some actually coincides with getting older than you were the day before.

You’re welcome.